Well, that was... yeah.

After five days at Lasqueti I have no closure, no more clarity. I have no answers. I have never been more indecisive or unsettled in my life. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. And I don't know what the point of anything is.
That said, I will echo what my brother wrote in a letter to my dad, which he brought up to Lasqueti and shared with us. My dad (and mom) have prepared us for our lives ahead. We had awesome childhoods. We know who we are, and that we're on the right path; and neither my brother nor I would ever wish to be anyone else.
So. Excuse me while I sputter and pause for some days, weeks, maybe months. I don't believe anyone can ever be adequately prepared for the death of a loved one. The concept of closure is absolute garbage: the love and the nostalgia and the memories go on and on.
I am who I am, and right now I am bereft.