I scream

I’m starting to consider wearing safety gear on the #16. I’ve been in two bus accidents to date, and have witnessed a couple of near altercations. I might feel safer with a helmet. The water wings? They’re just for fun and to ensure no one sits next to me.
Today I boarded the bus with two gentlemen, one of whom is roughly my age and sat near me. He grabbed one of the daily papers (which I abhor and don’t understand why they haven’t been banned for environmental reasons… furthermore I get more insight staring at particle board than I do reading that drivel) before getting on the bus. Then he popped some gum in his mouth and cranked his music. And the gum smacking begins. Okay, I’m the first to admit that I often get excitable when I’ve a mouthful of food and I won’t allow the food to be fully masticated before I disgorge whatever pearls of wisdom I need to express. But this wasn’t him eating, this was him chewing gum. Loudly. It sounded like the noise old men sometimes make when they have no teeth and feel compelled to suck their gums or whatever it is they do. Maybe they just do it around me, I can’t say. I’m really into my book, it’s reaching a critical mass and I keep getting pulled out of it by this slurping, sucking wet sound. Perhaps he would not ordinarily do this and was unaware of his impact on his fellow riders because he had his music turned too loud. So loud, in fact, that I could hear the lyrics of the song he was listening to: Avril Lavigne’s “Skater Boy”. I mean, COME ON. I actually looked around to make sure that the sound so sought after by fourteen year old girls was being emitted from his earbuds. Yep.
And then we were rocketing over the Granville Street bridge and there was a loud crash and the bus slowed really quickly, resulting in people being propelled out of their seats in a mixture of baggage and elbows. Someone screamed, which freaked me out because I thought maybe we had hit someone (again) or that something quite untoward had happened. But no, the loud bang had simply been the result of the bus being disconnected from the overhead wires and the connector slamming onto the back of the bus. The rapid deceleration was maybe for fun. I’m not sure. Get to know your fellow transit riders by ending up in their laps. Hence the possible need for a helmet.
In other news, they are serving ice cream in the lobby of our building today. No one seems as excited about this as me. It’s ice cream! Bunch of lactose intolerant, dieting jerks.