The military as a fashion statement

I may have said this before, so please stop me if I have. No, wait. I don't know if I've said this before. Have I said this before? I don't care: it bears repeating. Just try and stop me.
Don't wear clothing that apes military fatigues. I saw some jerk wearing military cargo pants this morning, looking like a pompous shitbird and I just thought, why? There's so much wrong with it. First of all, have you seen any military action? No? Then take the stupid pants off. Yeah, it's just a big bowl of wrong and every angle that I look at it I seem to get more enraged (oh! fun note - I still have PMS).
Where to begin? Um, what are you trying to convey with your faux army duds? Are you trying to pretend that you're in the army? Cause that's pretty lame. It's like pretending to be a vegetarian while eating a hamburger. You're essentially wanting to show society that you're something that you're not, while the real deal is going through whatever rigmarole is necessary to get into the armed forces.
Maybe you're not pretending to be in the army. Maybe you just think that it makes you look cool. But, um, it doesn't. The very fact that you are such a ribald phony negates any sense of coolness that might exist. You look like a wife beater. And if you're a woman? You look like you have a diminished IQ.
Anyways, your quarter life crisis aside: what do you think the men and women that legitimately wear fatigues think about you? Seriously. Pretend you're strolling near the barracks at 4th and Alma and you come across some soldier that's just come back from Afghanistan and you pass him on the street: how do you feel? Because if you don't feel like a total knob, you need to question that.
Hey. I'm against the war in Iraq. I'm not a big supporter of the military. But I do have respect for the people that go overseas and get shot at for a living: it makes my paper cut seem just that much less painful. I don't think fatigues are any more appropriate a fashion statement than hospital scrubs. Seriously, why don't you don some of those and swagger around? Or how about a groovy pharmasist's coat?
You're having an identity crisis. Here's one clue as to who you are: NOT a soldier.
Get a life.