Notes from bootcamp

I have a problem with authority. I'm quite sure this is well documented, so the following notes from tonight's boot camp may be a bit biased.

• Whistles are for six year old children with ADD. Do not expect me to do a whole lot when you blow a whistle.
• You need to speak up. There are a lot of us, and most of us aren't listening to you.
• I'm not bunny hopping anywhere.
• When you talk about "exhaling from your glutes" as we're doing squats, it sounds like you're recommending that we break wind. While this is totally hilarious to me, you may wish to re-think how you appear to others. On second thought, please continue with your inane references to exhaling out of odd parts of our bodies: it's just more fodder for the blog.
• The numerous references to sucking our guts in as though we're pulling on a tight pair of jeans are unnecessary. A lot of us are in better shape than you are, whistles or no.
• When you're counting down the time in which we have to hold a particular position, and you go, "Seven. Six. Five. Five. Five." it markedly increases the statistical probability that I am going to disengage from plank position, walk over and knee you in the groin.

That's pretty much it. Just, you know, don't tell me to do stuff and we'll get along just fine.