Roar!

I took a personality test a while ago and it said that closure is important to people like me. That may be an understatement. I notice it at work as well: I really like to close off one task before moving to another. It's probably why I was so good at collections - it had relatively nothing to do with cash flow or with getting customers to comply to the terms of their contracts - I would just hammer these people until their balance was current, and then move on to the next thing.
My indecisiveness and flakiness over the last few days stems from the closure that I've been lacking on both the personal and the professional front. It's hard for me to function when things (whatever those things may be) are unresolved.
The work related one was, for the most part, alleviated today. It was causing me a lot of stress and anxiety and if you had the misfortune of having to speak with me over the last few days you would have noticed how I kept dwelling on it in my conversations (cause the other thing I do is dwell and stew, which is fun and healthy).
The personal issues. Well, there are a few of them. One of them has been outstanding for a few years now and the likelihood of me solving it in the next month, or even in the next year is probably very slim. In this regard I have to remember that actions speak louder than words and it is the day to day that is important.
The second issue, like my coworker said to me today, is either going to happen or it's not and what's the point in worrying about it. Yeah, he inadvertently became my confessor today. Some things you just don't want to divulge to the members of your "inner sanctum". I just wanted to get it off my chest. I said, "Do you think I'm a bad person?" and he reckoned that the good in me outweighed the bad. I hope so.
The last issue is stupid and I brought it upon myself. It's not worth mentioning even, but to say that it's the perfect culmination of my desire to liked by all, even if it means sacrificing my self-worth. I'm not entirely sure why I do this. It's like an addiction, but I never really have the highs that go with an addiction. Instead I have periods where I get low and beat myself up. What a shitty addiction, eh? I should really shake this particular monkey off my back and smoke more pot.
So. I apologize to all my friends for weirding them out as of late. A lot of shit things seemed to happen at once and I'm still working through some of them. And yes, in the grand scheme of things? Pretty fucking minuscule. Welcome to my hyper analytic life. It probably doesn't help that I had three coffees today, either.
Okay, enough of the whinging, mental shit. In other news that is frickin' awesome, we had was is called a "Prediction Run" today. What is a prediction run, you ask? Well, oddly, it is a run where you predict how fast you will be. We had the choice of a 5k or a 10k loop and since most everyone is still bagged from Sunday's 23 miler, the majority chose the 5k. Before I moved to marathons and halfs I used to run a lot of 10 kilometre races. I was always trying to get a sub-fifty minute time, but I never made it. For my 5k time I estimated it would take me 25 minutes. That would be a 50 minute 10k. I'm tired and sore from Sunday and the lactic acid buildup in my quads is something to behold. We were told to leave our watches at the store and it was really bizarre being out there and not knowing exactly how long I'd been out there for. I ran hard. There was a guy calling out the times as we came into the store and, as I passed him, he said "Twenty two twenty six". 22:26. Two and a half minutes faster than I thought I would be! That would give me a 45 minute 10k. I was pretty stoked, and I didn't have any knee pain. Michael came in at an amazing 20 and a half minutes.
And I need to update my other blog. It's interesting, the downward spiral once I fell off the good karma bandwagon. Obviously I haven't had anything positive or illuminating to say, but hopefully that will change shortly and I can post something with a little substance in the next few days.
Oh, wait. I got it! Um, yeah. What did I learn from all of this??