To the driver of the blue Pathfinder

Good morning, you fucking idiot. I am continually amazed on a daily basis by people’s stupidity, ignorance and overall lack of sensibility, but you really take the cake. Parking in front of Blenz while you waited for your husband and effectively blocking the bus from reaching the bus stop (clearly marked) fifty feet in front of you. Well done.
I realize that your husband is brain damaged, deaf or that possibly he – like me – is disgusted by you, which is why he didn’t jump to attention and sprint out of the coffee shop and leap in to the vehicle when you beeped your horn. Twice. It did, however, warm my cockles to see you both put on such a unified front when the bus did arrive, could not get to the intended stop, and so beeped once politely at you. If possible, your husband moved even more slowly in his tireless effort to climb into the vehicle at that point. I admire the way his latte, or whatever fat-laden drink he was shoving into his ignorant cakehole took precedence over the fact that by parking your environment-flouting yuppymobile where you did you were forcing the bus to block traffic that was trying to cross Lonsdale. And how upon further, exasperated beeping from the bus driver he managed some flippant “calm down” hand gesture in his general direction before climbing into the vehicle at which point you rolled down your window to flit a condescending wave at him.
Really. On behalf of all the transit riders on the bus and all the people waiting for the bus you win the award for being the most assholistic couple I have encountered in recent memory. That fact that you took such pride in holding up people taking public transportation and causing a dangerous driving situation while you got your coffee is amazing.
I don’t know. It shouldn’t surprise me. And I know in my heart of hearts that I should feel sorry for you because you have no self esteem, which is why you drive an unnecessarily large and impractical vehicle that you’ve likely never taken off road unless you consider your twice yearly trips to Whistler “off roading”. And the vehicle is probably leased, like everything in your life so that you can offer the world a façade of wealth and nonchalance and give the appearance of luxury, when in all actuality you’re drowning in debt and probably have credit card bill balances approaching five digits and are too stupid (or have been denied) to get a line of credit and continue to pay it off, bit by bit at a whopping 18%. You drink too much because of the tremendous amount of stress that you’re under financially (you bought into the real estate market when it was high, got a variable mortgage and are now choking on the 1% increase since you were incapable of conceiving that the interest rates might actually ever go up). You hate your job, but you can’t change it because you’re a talker, not a doer, and while people around you (and beneath you) have been bettering themselves you actively resist change and your career skills have stagnated. You and your husband no longer have sex because he’s typically half cut by the time he fumbles his way into the bedroom and then, despite your best efforts (which are actually quite tepid and more out of sense of obligation than lust or love) he can’t get it up.
I realize all of this and understand it is the reason why, at 8am on a Wednesday morning you got such perverse pleasure out of attempting to ruin everyone’s morning.
So I hope your husband enjoyed his latte, and keep on with those Pathfinder payments!