I think I got too much sleep today. I know I ate too much at the Banana Leaf (me and Michael both). Oh my god that's good food, but it's too much food. And just when you think it's over? Yeah, out comes the deep fried banana with vanilla ice cream. Like what, I'm going to say no?
Anyways. Kind of a weird day. I feel really, really calm and unflappable and yet it's all tinged with this sadness, and I don't know where that's coming from. I don't know what triggered it (and no, it's not PMS since I got my period today and can't wait to do the math on how many extra strength Ibuprofens it's gonna take to get me through tomorrow's THIRTY KILOMETRE RUN) but it's been lingering since this afternoon.
Met with a bunch of people at the Banana Leaf on Broadway in Vancouver. It was so great to see JupiterGirl again: she looks fantastic. Michael said, "So when will you see her again?" and I guess it will at her wedding! Holy crap.
So here's my totally retarded thought of the day. Actually, I encourage all my readers to log off, tune out and go do something interesting, like scrubbing toilet bowls or coloring their hair instead of reading this shit, but it's my blog, it's my (literary) license, and it's my Saturday night.
Michael and I were coming back from dinner downtown and here's a rough synopsis of our conversation:
Duder: "So do you still not believe in marriage?"
Michael: "Yeah, my thoughts on marriage haven't changed."
Duder: "Huh."
Michael: "I don't think it's necessary. I mean, maybe it makes sense for a family unit, so the kids don't get confused, but if you're not having kids I don't see the point."
Duder: "Yeah."
Michael: "I think there's a lot of societal pressure for women to get married. It's like, when they get to a certain age, if they're not married there's something 'wrong' with them. Marriage doesn't change anything: there's nothing fundamentally different from a marriage and a long term relationship."
Duder: "I'd agree with that. I think, though, that for me, say it's 30% what society thinks and it's 70% what I think."
Michael: "It's just, there's no need for it. What's the point of marriage?"
Duder: "Yeah. I don't know. Actually, I change my mind: it's 30% what society thinks; 60% what I think; and 10% based on the sheer romance factor."
Anyways. I won't make a whinging pity party out of the whole thing. Who cares, right? It's logical. What's the point of marriage when the divorce rate is around 50%? I don't care what society thinks about me 99% of the time (have you seen how I dress and act??) so why should I care if society deems me a spinster for not being married at 31? I'm loved. I just don't have the rock to "prove" it. And what does the rock mean? My (unmarried) relationship is probably better than most married relationships.
So I thought about it. I thought, Duder, you little shit, what's the real issue here? Where's this consternation coming from? And it boils down to this: ego. I guess I want someone to be so totally over the moon about me that they would be willing to entertain the concept of eternity with me, even though that concept is pretty ridiculous. I mean, I had eternity a couple of years ago, and I put it on hold to 'sow my wild oats' or whatever you want to call it. People change, man. They change a great deal. They grow and want to experience other things. It's part of being an evolving person and I always want to be evolving. I don't want to stagnate or sit still or become complacent. Anyways, the more fundamental concern I have is that Michael might believe in marriage if he met the right person, and that perhaps I'm not that right person. I didn't really want to get married until I met Michael. So, uh, you finish that thought process for me.
Right. Fucking pathetic blog. You can poke holes in anything, and I do.
Once in a while I have these retarded, girlish fantasies wrought with romance and whimsy. Then I drink more wine, listen to more music, run more marathons and forget about it.
Anyways. Kind of a weird day. I feel really, really calm and unflappable and yet it's all tinged with this sadness, and I don't know where that's coming from. I don't know what triggered it (and no, it's not PMS since I got my period today and can't wait to do the math on how many extra strength Ibuprofens it's gonna take to get me through tomorrow's THIRTY KILOMETRE RUN) but it's been lingering since this afternoon.
Met with a bunch of people at the Banana Leaf on Broadway in Vancouver. It was so great to see JupiterGirl again: she looks fantastic. Michael said, "So when will you see her again?" and I guess it will at her wedding! Holy crap.
So here's my totally retarded thought of the day. Actually, I encourage all my readers to log off, tune out and go do something interesting, like scrubbing toilet bowls or coloring their hair instead of reading this shit, but it's my blog, it's my (literary) license, and it's my Saturday night.
Michael and I were coming back from dinner downtown and here's a rough synopsis of our conversation:
Duder: "So do you still not believe in marriage?"
Michael: "Yeah, my thoughts on marriage haven't changed."
Duder: "Huh."
Michael: "I don't think it's necessary. I mean, maybe it makes sense for a family unit, so the kids don't get confused, but if you're not having kids I don't see the point."
Duder: "Yeah."
Michael: "I think there's a lot of societal pressure for women to get married. It's like, when they get to a certain age, if they're not married there's something 'wrong' with them. Marriage doesn't change anything: there's nothing fundamentally different from a marriage and a long term relationship."
Duder: "I'd agree with that. I think, though, that for me, say it's 30% what society thinks and it's 70% what I think."
Michael: "It's just, there's no need for it. What's the point of marriage?"
Duder: "Yeah. I don't know. Actually, I change my mind: it's 30% what society thinks; 60% what I think; and 10% based on the sheer romance factor."
Anyways. I won't make a whinging pity party out of the whole thing. Who cares, right? It's logical. What's the point of marriage when the divorce rate is around 50%? I don't care what society thinks about me 99% of the time (have you seen how I dress and act??) so why should I care if society deems me a spinster for not being married at 31? I'm loved. I just don't have the rock to "prove" it. And what does the rock mean? My (unmarried) relationship is probably better than most married relationships.
So I thought about it. I thought, Duder, you little shit, what's the real issue here? Where's this consternation coming from? And it boils down to this: ego. I guess I want someone to be so totally over the moon about me that they would be willing to entertain the concept of eternity with me, even though that concept is pretty ridiculous. I mean, I had eternity a couple of years ago, and I put it on hold to 'sow my wild oats' or whatever you want to call it. People change, man. They change a great deal. They grow and want to experience other things. It's part of being an evolving person and I always want to be evolving. I don't want to stagnate or sit still or become complacent. Anyways, the more fundamental concern I have is that Michael might believe in marriage if he met the right person, and that perhaps I'm not that right person. I didn't really want to get married until I met Michael. So, uh, you finish that thought process for me.
Right. Fucking pathetic blog. You can poke holes in anything, and I do.
Once in a while I have these retarded, girlish fantasies wrought with romance and whimsy. Then I drink more wine, listen to more music, run more marathons and forget about it.
2 comments:
Okay, call me an old-fashioned girl (I'm not), but I believe in marriage. We got married after living together for four years and we were asked after we were married if there was a "difference". I'd say the difference is when you are not married, there is always the possibility of going. If you have a great big fight you think to yourself when you're all mad, "Fine, I'll just leave him, see how he likes that." You don't leave, but you do entertain the option. When you are married, that goes away. You realize that you have cashed in your exit ticket, and the only option is to resolve the situation. You don't focus so much on winning the fight, because you're more intent on just moving past it.
I also don't buy into the 50% divorce rate statistic, because it includes people that have multiple marriages. One guy or gal gets divorced six times in his or her life and the whole statistic is blown.
Society doesn't care if you are married or not. I kept my own name and I thought society would mumble about it, but so far the man has kept it quiet. Not to mention my little munchkins with their hyphenated last names. Anyhow, don't you always say "Down with the man!"?
In closing, I would say that you desperately need to go see Sex and the City. SUCH a great movie (if you like that sort of thing). The one thing I learned from it is that you cannot call Michael your boyfriend. You must start calling him your manfriend. I insist you begin this practice immediately.
Hmmm... I disagree. I think society does care if you're married. I'm immune to (most kinds of) peer pressure, and yet I feel that I am arriving at a certain age where people are starting to think there is something wrong me cause I'm not married yet.
Anyways, if my manfriend wanted to marry me then I would be more than happy to do this, but he doesn't believe in it. I could whine (wine?) and cajole, but I don't want to bully someone into spending eternity with me... I feel bad enough that he picked up the check at dinner last night!
Meh. The angle that I'm going to pursue is that there are tax benefits that come with marriage. My manfriend is a big fan of avoiding taxation, so maybe then he'll get on board... ;)
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