A quasi manifesto

I want there to be a distinct event marking this. I want closure. I want to have some kind of manifesto, but manifestos are never for anything as ridiculous or childish as this. I get medals for running marathons and halfs and I want one for this, but it wouldn't make sense to get one because you've earned it after 26.2 miles and I haven't earned anything with this particular... whatever it is. Clusterfuck. Nightmare that I've brought upon myself. And then it's not even that. I mean, I could (okay, I can't, but a rational, logical person could) just close my eyes and say, "When I open my eyes I'll never give this another thought again".
I don't understand people's selfishness. I'm sure people say that about me, but I'm trying, and I hope I give the impression that I'm trying. So it's redundant to try and seek any kind of absolution or closure from someone that cannot perceive a reality outside of themselves. And even if this person did give me absolution it would be meaningless because their word is worthless.
I don't bite the hand that feeds me. I kiss the hand that beats me. I don't get it. What piece of my humanity, my morality am I missing here? I was born without a backbone it would appear. It's easy to push me over and it's easy to slip myself into difficult positions.
Maybe it's some kind of deep seeded need to be punished and condescended to. Or a desperate need for everyone to like me. Fuck, I don't like most people, so why in the hell would they like me? I'm barely likable to begin with.
Possibly it's a need to create drama where there is none. There are surely more entertaining ways to do this, such as fingering hummers, getting in fights in bars, going to protests, proposing marriage via text marriage and wearing black leather boots to work.
But back to my manifesto. What would it even say? It would be full of such gems as, "if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got". Maybe, "others will not respect you until you respect yourself". "You don't owe anyone anything". "How long are you going to beat yourself up over this for?". "What exactly are you hoping to achieve through your actions?". I would pepper it with, "some people are just dumb fucking assholes", "you brought this upon yourself", and "go visit the downtown Eastside and see some people that have real problems".
Actually, I did get my proverbial medal today. There's a guy in my building that always leaves little stickers in the elevator that espouse words like "excitement" (he affixed that one to the ceiling) and "silence" and "friendship".
When I got into the elevator the sticker wedged behind the call buttons said "integrity". The definition of integrity is "steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code". Okay, so I don't have that currently. But I have the sticker. So... you know.... who knows where I'll go from here?