The things ICBC will say to get in your pants

Yesterday I received a long winded, rambling voicemail on my cell from a "Team 5" member at ICBC. What the fuck is with this "team" bullshit? Is it supposed to be more enjoyable to be screwed by a "team member" than by a regular, run of the mill ICBC employee? Whatever. Anyways, the gist of this message was "buzz word, double speak, move the case forward, see how you're doing, bullshit, bullshit".
So I call Harminder back and get the Team 5 voicemail. He returns my call and I put him on hold while I close my office door because, yep, it's not even 11am and I feel like yelling. To the best of my memory, here is the conversation, picking up from me taking him off hold:

Duder: "Hi."
Harminder: "Hi."
Harminder waits a while for me to start the conversation and I refuse to so he then says: "I'm just calling to check in and see what kind of progress you're making-"
Duder: "Why? What does it matter?"
Harminder: "I just want to see how your treatment is coming along, to see if you've been back to see your doctor-"
Duder: "I am no longer going to a massage therapist and I have not been back to see my doctor. What is the point of this call?"
Harminder: "If you're treatment has been concluded then we would like to move it ahead and maybe look at closing off your file."
Duder: "Do you need my consent to close off my file?"
Harminder: "Well, yes and no. We just want to check in with you-"
Duder: "Do I have to sign something or give my consent to ICBC in order for this file to be closed?"
Harminder: "Well, no."
Duder: "So why are you calling me?"
Harminder: "We just want to close it off and make sure you don't need any further treatment, and if you do then we would have to open a requisition for that."
Duder: "I don't understand. I have not been reimbursed for any of my out of pocket expenses to date and now you're saying that I might be reimbursed for future expenses?"
Harminder: "I see here that we've reimbursed you for your user fees-"
Duder: "My massage therapy costs $80 an hour. You have reimbursed me $23 towards each session. I should not have had to pay anything. The purpose of insurance is to put the insured person back to the same position that they had been in before the accident. You have not done that."
Harminder: "Since your accident falls into the category of a low velocity impact-"
Duder: "Do you need my consent to close this file?"
Harminder: "No."
Duder: "I refuse to in away consent or agree to this file being closed until I am fully reimbursed for all of my out of pocket expenses. So what, then, is the next step?"
Harminder: "We're going to close your file today."
Duder, before hanging up: "Thank you."

I think I've said it before and I'll say it again: ICBC, you are a useless, money grubbing, profiteering monopoly and if I ever get in another car accident, the first person I will speak to is a lawyer. You fucking suck. You're tactics are utterly disgusting. You want me to agree with you that I've been treated fairly when I haven't been. You want me to sign off voluntarily for goods not received, and then you want me to smile while doing it and make it seem like I had a choice in the matter when the fact is: I have no recourse.
On a go forward, let's just call it what it is: a blatant abuse of power. And if I ever hear the term "low velocity impact" again, I'll be sure to strip down as quickly as I can and bend over.