I'm pretty sure I kept my therapist's card...

First off? "Flannel Pajamas" fucking sucked. Like, wow, give me those two hours back. Oh, and it wasn't even over. I'm sure there was only ten minutes left, but I don't care. The only way the movie would have been salvageable would be if a masked gunmen burst in at the end and shot all the characters to death. Christ.
So I was doing pretty good today. Toodling along, happy with most everything and enjoying the sun. Then M asks me what's going on and I give my pat answer that nothing is going on and then he asks me again and all of a sudden I have verbal diarrhea and I'm unloading all my neuroses and fears and hopes and I'm sure he'll never ask me how I'm doing again. For some reason I have this propensity to divulge things to him with the most minimal prompting.
Anyways. I just don't know. I must have said that about six times to M. I don't say that often: I usually do know, or at least I'll pretend to know. But I don't know.
I am unaccustomed to being put in the position to be the instigator of certain things and I don't understand if I am being put in this certain position because the feeling is not mutual or because the situation is infinitely complex. Because I love when things are complex. I do not understand if this particular predicament requires patience, or if I am supposed to take the initiative or if there is actually no predicament at all.
Right. I am not the same person that I was a year ago. It is selfish of me to expect to be immediately accepted as this new, beautific individual given the six years of fantastic and tumultuous behaviour that preceded it. I am ultimately asking to have my cake and to eat it too. God, I like cake.
I'm being petulant. Am I? Fuck. And narcissistic. This is the burning question then: is there anyone out there that will put up with my petulant narcissism, and how much would I have to compromise? I would prefer not to compromise at all, but in my (extensive?) experience it seems that something's got to give.
Bleh. So I don't know. And I will try. Perhaps I will take the initiative. And it will work, or it won't work and I will go on and it will be one thing that I tried and whether it fails or succeeds I shall be glad that I had the balls to try it in the first place.
Wow. Good chat. Thanks for talking me down from the ledge there. Though I'm normally even-keeled I sometimes get inextricably wrapped up in my own non-important reveries. Thanks. How is life treating you, these days? I think we should get together for coffee soon. Maybe a biscotti, too.