"What I want to say is this: - If you logically try to persuade a person that there is no absolute reason for shedding tears, the person in question will cease weeping. That's self evident. Why, I should like to know, should such a person continue doing so?"

"If such were the usual course of things, life would be a very easy matter," replied Raskolnikoff.

- Crime and Punishment, Dostoevsky

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

The pot is boiling

I've just shrugged on my jacket and donned my jaunty cap and my office phone rings. No one ever calls me at work. I answer it and lo and behold it is E, my mortgage broker. The receptionist at her office tipped her off that I had called yesterday to get the name and address of her husband's boss. I told her that I was just heading out out the door, that I didn't have time to chat because I would miss my bus. She said she just wanted to know what I was angry about. I replied curtly that I had a sent a letter to her, her boss/husband, and her boss/husband's boss and that letter laid out rather explicitly the issues that I had with her. Oh, but she felt that she deserved to know why I had sent the letter. I asked her to hold on, slammed the phone into the cradle and explained, "Fuck" to my perplexed boss. Marched down the hallway of my office, undoing my jacket, pulling off my hat and went into a private boardroom to speak with her. Here are some excerpts of my conversation with her:
E: "But why did you not call me to tell me about any of this? I would've have wanted to know."
Duder: "It's really not about what you want. I need the people that you report to to understand how difficult it was to deal with you on November 14th and 15th."
E: "Can I ask you a question? Why did you wait two months to take any action?"
Duder: "Well, E, it took me two months for the anger to subside."
I absolutely let her have it. I was firing on all cylinders. And yelling a bit, as I was able to deduce when I passed one of my coworkers who had been in a nearby boardroom and he shrank against the wall. I asked, "Why did you not return any of my numerous phone calls on November 14th when you knew that the closing date was the following day?". No good answer, profuse apologies. "Would you describe your behaviour over November 14th and 15th as professional?". No, she would not (followed by more apologies). I explained that the deal had been about to slide into default and that I had accepted my mother's offer to cash in her GICs to make the closing deadline and she said to me, "I had no idea that any of that had happened". I yelled, "What the hell did you think was going to happen when November 15th came and my notary still hadn't received the paperwork that you had promised that we would have on TWO separate occasions?". It was un-fucking believable. At some point it occured to me that she might be some kind of masochist, because nothing else could conceivably explain why she would call me and expect anything but utter anger. To end it, because it was just going around in circles and I didn't want to miss my subsequent bus, I asked if there was anything else that I could help her with. She seemed to want my forgiveness, which I gave, but I came away with the feeling that it was more upsetting to her that I was mad than the fact that I viewed her (and still do view her) as totally unprofessional and borderline incompetent.
The flip side? I have closure. I have street cred for doing what I said I would do. I had a really invigorating workout. And L emailed me today and said she wants to take a trip, so we might be going somewhere at the end of the month. That would be fun!
Okay. Deep breaths. It's time for dinner.
I just need to come up with a happy thought first. Mmmm... happy. Uh. In an attempt to be friendly I made small talk with three different people when I was riding the elevator at various times today.
I seem to spend a lot of time on elevators.

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