I was so exhausted after my dinner with Big D last night that I ended up in bed at about 10:30. I got up today around 9, played with Po's cat and then met my grandmother at the UBC golf course for lunch. I hadn't seen my nana for a really long time. Like, unacceptably long given that she lives ten minutes away and is a totally fantastic, beautiful woman. Anyways, we meet up and, as always, she looks amazing. Please, oh please let me age like my grandmother has aged. We had the best lunch. The food and bill came and went and still we sat, talking about our family and my plans and her plans and generally catching up. And then, as things were drawing to a close, she said that she had something she wanted to give me. It was a small present and a card, the card she told me I could open later. I opened the gift and it was a gold Birks bracelet that my grandfather had given to her on their wedding day on October 21, 1945. I started crying.
My grandfather died when I was in my early twenties. I have some regrets in my life, but one of my greatest regrets is that I didn't get to know my grandfather as well as I would have liked. Nor did I visit him in the hospital when he was dying. It's something that I have struggled with and I'm not sure I will able be able to forgive myself for, though I know my grandfather would forgive me. I do know that my grandfather was an amazing person. He was an accountant, like I am. I believe he was from Montreal. He did not drink, he was quiet and reserved and he loved my grandmother totally. He was one of the smartest, most eloquent and classy people I have met in my life. He was kind. When I was little he used to pick me up by my elbows. I have fond memories of staying with my grandparents at their apartment on 10th Avenue, and they would take me and my brother down to Jericho beach to play and swim all day and have fish and chips which would, inevitably get covered in gritty sand.
When Michael and I were together many people commented on his similarity to my grandfather. Another regret I have is that my grandfather had passed away before Michael came into my life and so was unable to meet him. Michael is quiet, dignified and almost never utters a harsh word towards anyone. He rarely drinks. He follows the stocks as studiously as my grandfather ever did. My grandmother and grandfather had an 11 year age difference between them: so do Michael and I. My grandmother was the more social and outgoing of the two of them, as I was with Michael. My grandfather preferred small parties at home to large social gatherings, as does Michael. Both of our anniversaries fell at the end of October.
I suppose I digress a little, but I do think that the number of parallels are incredible. At any rate, my grandmother wanted me to have this bracelet and to remember how much she loves me whenever I wear it. Hey, you would cry too. Then we talked about relationships. She remarried a few years ago to a fantastic man who is quite unlike my grandfather. He is far more outgoing and social. He and my grandmother do things that she never did with my grandfather: for example they went dancing this past New Year's. My grandmother, like me, had never really danced before and she loved it. She sat across the table from me, looking so happy and wonderful and told me about the birthday party she is planning for Ed's 90th birthday. She's in love with him and I am so happy to see that she has found someone. She told me that she feels fortunate to have had two such exceptionally wonderful relationships in her lifetime. She told me that she had been saving this bracelet to give to me when I got married. Yeah, we kind of had a chuckle at that one.
It was just such an odd series of events to have happen today, especially after my conversation with Big D last night. As I mentioned in my earlier blog I'm finally in headspace where I can offer myself totally to someone. And I don't want anything less than what I had before. I too have been blessed in that I had a wonderful six year relationship with Michael. I guess I'm doubly lucky in that he and I remain such good friends and we are still an integral part of each other's lives. For quite a while I thought that certainly I could date someone again, but that I would not be fortunate enough to experience another relationship of such magnitude and importance as what I had with Michael. Today, after spending a couple of hours with my grandmother I know I can find something as monumental again. It will be different, but different isn't bad. I don't know how else to articulate this because I'm tired and am not particularly good with words right now, but it was as though my dinner with Big D last night was a precursor to today's lunch. I was in a really good mood this morning. Now I'm in a great mood and I'm optimistic. I don't think I've ever experienced those two emotions at the same time. I think it's giving me a tummy ache.
Alright. So that was my sappy blog entry. My nana loves me and thinks I will find someone wonderful to spend my life with.
I'm inclined to agree.
And no, it's not Po's cat.
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